Five years ago, a rim job was on my hard limits. What a disgusting thought it had been! The mere thought would make me gag. Today, I enjoy tossing the salad immensely: Seeing my partner getting so turned on is incredibly hot.

But like with other oral sex techniques (for her and for him), there are also a few things that make the difference between any other rim job and a great rim job. Here’s a few I know off:

Spread Them Cheeks

We discussed in the basics about rimming post how the naughtiness of oral anal sex is a large part of why it is so sexy. Really spreading those cheeks and making your partner expose his or her anus, something usually tucked away neatly, is a massive turn on.

Spreading the buttcheeks also stretches the anus, really giving you maximum surface exposure. Read: lots of nerve endings for orgasmic fireworks.

And lastly, purely for your own survival, creating a bit more room for your nose means you don’t have to combine ass play and breath play ;P And “suffocated whilst licking someone’s butt” is just not what you want your family to read on your tombstone. Although there are worse ways to go.

Licking Butt or Butt Worship?

It’s a difference of attitude. And attitude is everything. This should really come first. But without spreading those cheeks, it’s not easy to show 😉 But what do I mean by this? See, there is just licking someone’s butt for a bit. And then there’s worshipping butt. The first makes your anus get bit wet and that’s it. The second…. oh dear!

So how do you get from licking to worship? It’s all in your head, not their ass. The way you roll your tongue over their anus – try doing it with all your attention and love. Caress their buttocks, gently or firmly, depending on the mood. Blow your breath across their anus, play with it. Enjoy it. And make them hear and feel you are. Think about the way you would like ice cream in a sexy way and you are halfway there.

Whatever you do, don’t rush it. Worship takes time and your partner will feel if you are just thinking about how to get the shopping done afterwards. Take your time and get to know your partner’s pleasure.

Tongue Techniques

Listen to your partner’s breathing and degree of arousal as a good compass for what works for her or him. Do they enjoy licking more or sucking, do they like some finger support or your tongue up their butt? It’s different for everybody. Most people enjoy if your do one technique for a while so they can tune into it, rather than hectically changing rimming style. Here some ideas:

Ice Cream Lick

Treat your partner’s anus like your favorite flavor of ice cream. Run your tongue flat over their anus, make sure it is stretched well. You can alternate a flat tongue and rolling it slightly as if to scoop off that extra bit of ice cream at the top. This one is always upwards licks only.

If your go faster and wetter, it starts to get more like a little doggy – often a favorite.

Up & Down

A different sensation entirely is when you go up and down with your tongue. Try alternating high and low pressure between the movements and observe what lands best.

Round & Round

Presumably where the term originally comes from, run your tongue around the rim of the anus. Slowly or fast both feel very differently and I have been told that some people have strong opinions on the topic of clockwise vs counter clockwise. As before, experiment and test your partner’s preference.

The Flick

Use your tongue like a mini whip and flick that butthole. It typically makes me giggle, but it’s a fun cheeky intermezzo between any licking.

Bury Your Tongue

If you are comfortable with it, penetrate your partner’s anus with your tongue. Wiggling it around and rapidly going in and out can be a great finale of a I’m job. Make sure you sticked to the hygiene basics here.

Bury Your Face

Complete rimming anarchy ;P why stop with the tongue. As if you wanted to suffocate yourself in their bottom, go in there and go intense. Do what you feel like, but do it as if it’s the last thing you will do and like nothing is more important than your partner coming right now.

Talk to Your Partner

There is a few people who really dislike talk during sex. But for most people, it adds to the turn on. Your partner might want to say dirty things to you but hesitate to say them out loud. By starting and asking questions, you encourage them to let out what they are surely thinking in their heads. And that in turn is another level of turn on.

“Mmmhmmm god I love licking your ass” is always a winner. But also checking in on what they like best. “Want my tongue in there real deep eh?!” Or simply “tell me how you want it, come on tell your slut how you want your ass licked” – or whatever designation you come by 😉

Talk is a great way to make rimming part of a little humiliation play, if you are into that. , “there lick my ass you dirty slut.” Feeling humiliated already? 😉

Tossing the Salad With all Four Hands

Wait this is about tongues and mouths, not a hand job, right? Wrong. Ass worship is about using all you got. There’s absolutely no harm in stimulating your partner by wiggling a finger (or two or….) in their anus for upping the anti a bit. For guys, beckoning against the prostate will make surely make them moan a level harder.

If you can expose their butthole with one hand by just spreading your fingers over it, you can – and I recommend it highly – work your other hand too. For girls, gentle stimulation of the clitoris and massaging her entire vulva will make her want more. Especially with ladies, go slow here at first. She will tell you when she wants it harder. For guys, jerking them off and licking their anus at the same time is a sure road to new orgasmic levels. Don’t forget the balls either – gently of course.

Also do use your partner’s hands. Ask them to spread their cheeks for you so you can please them with your hands better. Or tell them touch themselves whilst you rim them. The sight – or well knowledge – of my partner jerking off when I am busy worshipping is his butt is way up there on my list of hottest things.

Rimming Reflections

Sadly we don’t have eyes back there. And especially men are visually turned on. So if you have mirrors available, so they can watch you whilst you are rimming them, that will be a sure treat.

When your partner is watching you, give them porn. Make sure to make eye contact now and then. If you have a hand free, play with yourself. As a woman, rubbing your thighs together when your hands a busy is already a great visual. Don’t worry about going too far – porn is that – and you will feel his or her horniness jump over to you quickly.

If a mirror isn’t at hand or seems too inscinaefd, try closing the curtains and position in such a way in front of the windows that your partner can watch. Maybe don’t even tell them it was intentional so they have the added thrill of doing so secretly

Rim Job Plus – Play With Sensations

Nothing like a few additions when rimming. Maybe not the first time, but to spice things up now and then. As if oral anal sex wasn’t spicy enough right?

Lube

Lube goes a long way when rimming. It heightens the sensation for your partner. And as a nice bonus for you, if you use flavored ones, you can make the anus a bit tasty too. When alternating between tongue and finger play, lube helps to skip the slightly painful first second. If you want to avoid that 😉 If you combine rimming and hand job, lube is a definite plus. Make sure to know your lube though.

Hot & Cold

Making your tongue hot with a sip of tea, or cold by having an ice cube in your mouth can add a fun new angle to rimming. If you don’t feel like ice cube, a peppermint on your tongue can have the same effect. Plus it tastes nice for you 🙂

Make it About Your Partner

Sometimes, rimming is nice foreplay. And sometimes it’s nice to just give your attention fully to your partner and not expecting anything in return. Especially for male partners, it releases tension if you make clear from the go: this one is on me. Then they don’t have to worry about coming and not being able to penetrate afterwards. Also, granting your partner the pleasure of just sailing on that pleasure cloud after orgasm – without having to repay the favor – is a great way of showing them how special they are to you.

Whatever you do, make sure you and your partner are totally comfortable with giving or receiving a rim job. Make sure you have addressed anilingus hygiene and most of all: go and have fun!

Sonja is a co-founder of boldpleasures. She's on a mission to free people to revel in their true sensuality by removing the stigma surrounding kink. Sonja writes about first steps, ditching the shame and how to combine kink and 'normal' family life. She's a mother of two and happily married.

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