Consensual adult spanking is a cornerstone of BDSM. It’s such an amazing technique, because you need no props, you can do it anywhere, in lots of different positions, with lots of different intentions and feelings attached to it. You basically need no preparation other than getting consent. Being ‘over the knee’ in so-abbreviated OTK spanking puts a sub right in his or her place. And bare handed spanking is so very intimate because it’s skin on skin – not some paddle or a whip – it’s a direct, instant connection.

So, if you haven’t yet and are curious, I encourage you to try spanking. More than a third of Americans are doing it already according to a recent sexual diversity study, so you’re not even standing out. 😉 Here’s some tips on how to get started with spanking.

Unfortunately, there is very little information on spanking out there in mainstream media. So we shot a few videos for a basic spanking class to give you an introduction. Go check it out later.

Here are six myths that we came across when talking to newcomers about their spanking questions.

1Adult Spanking Is Punishment

It can be, but it can also just be sensual and erotic fun. If can feel more like a massage, it can be therapeutic. It doesn’t even have to be about pain.It can be just a fun accessory to a role play that you imagined to reinforce roles. It can be short, it can be the beginning of a play date to warm up and it can be the only thing you do.

Spanking is one of the most versatile BDSM techniques.

Don’t just reduce it to punishment. You’d be missing out on too much fun.

2Proper BDSM Spanking Leaves Marks & Bruises

“If you are doing spanking right, that sub won’t be able to sit for days!’. I am very allergic to people claiming that there’s one way to ‘do anything right’. Spanking has so many flavors. It can feel more like a massage, it can be therapeutic, it can just be erotic BDSM foreplay to warm up for more play. It doesn’t have to hurt much to leave an impact.

Also, different people’s skin and muscle tissue responds differently to spanking. One person bruises very easily, whilst the next might need significantly higher levels of impact to leave anything but a lovely red glow.

“Proper adult spanking’ is spanking that both (or more) parties enjoy.

Here’s a few tips in ‘Getting Started with Spanking’ [Link] on how to make sure just that happens.

3Good Adult Spanking Has to End in Tears

There are a few flashy infographics out there on what makes a good spanking. Many want to make you believe that you have to make sure it ends in tears. The idea behind that is that the pain of the big spanking finale leads to a real, deep release of built up emotions. There’s truth in that, the relief of crying real tears, letting everything out, is wonderful to experience.

However, it doesn’t mean that you might have to hit your sub like a mad person to inflict terrible amounts of pain. For some people it’s the intensity, for others the duration. And depending on what your goal is with spanking, you might not go for that emotional relief, because maybe it’s just the warm up to a longer scene. I say:

Good Adult Spanking has to end in smiles.

Even if that smile comes after the tears.

4You Can’t Really Harm Anybody With Erotic Spanking

Well, you can. Granted, spanking is a great way to start exploring pain because you can – even as an inexperienced dominant – ramp up the pain levels slowly. Also, it’s much easier as a beginner to gently spank than to gently whip with the bullwhip. So – yes, spanking is great for starters.

And if you keep in mind a few basic do’s and don’ts, you can indeed do little physical harm compared to other BDSM techniques. Check out our free spanking videos for some basic health & safety tips here. Having said that, be aware that:

Spanking can inflict severe emotional pain

Spanking is still surprisingly common in some areas of the world for punishing children. For victims of abuse and people who have been spanked in their childhood, spanking can be traumatic. In that case, even mild sensual spanking can already trigger ghosts from the past. Make sure to explicitly ask your partner if there’s anything they are aware of that might come up.

Also, when you play for the first times, check in now and then to see if it still feels good. Sometimes we’re not even aware ourselves of the skeletons in our mental closets.

5There Is no Skill to Adult Spanking

There’s an butt, there’s a hand. Surely anybody can do it, right? And true, anybody’s hand can hit anybody’s buttocks. But – that doesn’t make a fun spanking. Spanking has different techniques to it, different rhythms, different pace. Being a bottom and getting a spanking that’s unrhythmic or too fast, can be very frustrating. After all, we’re trying to have fun here. Communication is the key here – talk about how a session feels, during the session also, and find what works for both of you.

Spanking takes practice. So go practice 🙂

The position of your hand makes a tremendous difference if you want to just inflict stingy pain and hit the surface skin of if you go for the deep, thuddy pain that moves into the lower tissue as well. Some subs prefer the sting, some the thud – but almost every sub has a preference. Check out this video from our spanking class on different spanking positions.

Pro-tip by Hans: Spank the Waltz.

The rhythm of the iconic Vienna style ballroom dance follows a 3/4 time signature. One two three, one two three, one two three. Why is that a great tip? Because if you follow a ‘standard’ 4/4 time signature – one two three four, one two three four – then you are more likely to always hit hard on the ‘one’ which means one butt cheek gets a lot more beating than the other one. And we want to be inclusive, don’t we?

6Take off Your Rings to not Hurt Your Bottom

Bottom, as in the spankee in this case. It’s a common misunderstanding that you have to take off any rings when spanking because the impact will hurt the submissive too much. If you don’t have some spiky pokey ring, that is. See, depending on the type of kinkster you are, let’s face it – you might be playing with impact toys like canes and whips and other kinky toys – usually precisely to inflict pain. Does the average ring really make such a difference? So, why do you have to take your ring off when spanking?

You take off your rings for the safety of the spanking top.

That’s right. Here’s what happens: When you spank your partner, your own hand swells up from the force of the impact. As your fingers swell up, you will have increasing trouble to take off your ring – to the extent that it might be impossible and restrict blood flow. Worst case scenario here: It might have to be cut off. The ring that is, not the finger.

For those of you with a stuck ring who came across this, here’s a life hack video on how to remove a ring from a swollen finger. Good luck!

So, keep those myths in mind when you start exploring spanking. And if you would like a basic spanking training, check out our free videos in the academy.

Sonja is a co-founder of boldpleasures. She's on a mission to free people to revel in their true sensuality by removing the stigma surrounding kink. Sonja writes about first steps, ditching the shame and how to combine kink and 'normal' family life. She's a mother of two and happily married.

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