Sadly, there is no manual for how to eat pussy the right way, because not only is every woman different in what she likes oral sex… it’s very likely that even for one woman that preference depends on the particular moment you are in. One day she likes it rough, one day gentle – one day a flick of your tongue gets her going and the other it all seems kinda switched off down there.

So bad news first: No technique in the world will make you amazing at cunnilingus. The only thing that will ever make you an oral sex superstar is listening to her. To her body language and her reactions, and quite frankly: To what she says when you ask her if she is enjoying herself. What? You never ask that? Well, there’s your first milestone.

MapofVulva1 Know Your Way Around

A basic understanding of the anatomy and the different degrees of sensitivity of your lady’s erogenous zones is key. Here’s a map of the vagina, so you know where you are going. They all look a bit different, so there’s nothing wrong with you having a good look as to who’s who with your lady before you dig in there. You’d be surprised how often the Urethral opening is mistaken for the clitoris. Which really is a shame. And also quite frustrating. If you get lost on route, just stop and ask her for the way. She will be pleasantly surprised, trust me.

2Start Gentle, Go Slow

A lot of guys make the mistake to go in there with way too much pressure and way too fast. Understandably so, because that’s what many enjoy when they get blowjobs. Girls are usually different and really sensitive ones can reach orgasm when you are light as a feather. Just use the tip of your tongue, ever so slightly, just lick from the labia minora and majora up to the clitoris, caress her thighs, belly or breasts and ‘be all over her’ but always touching ever so slightly. Combine this with kissing her labia and pubic mound and listen carefully to her breathing and how her body reacts.

3Lips & Lollipops

Turn the heat up a nudge and get your lips involved. Move faster around the vulva and apply more pressure – sucking on the labia and clitoris can be an incredible turn on. Alternate with licking across the full length of her vagina and drive her nuts. If your lips need a break, massage her with your hand to get the blood flowing. Quite literally in this case. Have a look at how the vagina is changing as your girl gets aroused – next to direct communication, this is a great way for you to know if you are on the right track.

4Fingers Can Go Both Ways

Right, so guys…. the thing with putting a finger in and frantically moving in and out… it’s not cool. It’s porn stuff. Unless you have very chubby fingers that could be a penis. Which is a disturbing thought now. If you want to use fingers, which is great, then know what you are doing. As in, try to stimulate the g-spot, use it to give your tongue a break, run them over her body (oh yes, cunnilingus doesn’t mean all the action is on the vulva), or play with her anus. A firm massage for starters and if she enjoys it (ask!!), try some more anal stimulation.

5Motorboat Those Lips

You know motorboating? When you get your head between her boobs and just broaaawaawawawaw it? The urban dictionary describes this as ‘rapid shaking of the face in a side-to-side motion’. Which doesn’t sound half as much fun as it is. Try doing that with your mouth and chin area on her vulva and you might just get going like crazy. Just drop the yelling, that would probably kill the atmosphere. Disclaimer: some women love it, some hate it.

6Finish Gracefully

Don’t panic when you feel she is near climax and get all frantic. There is no need to go super fast or hard the last mile. Just continue what you were doing, at the same pace, the same pressure and let her ride that orgasm out. She’ll let you know when it’s enough, you can count on that.

If you have the feeling she isn’t into it, don’t give up frustrated. Ask her what she feels like, and go with what floats her boat. And you know, maybe she just doesn’t feel like getting eaten that day. That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, it’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

Sonja is a co-founder of boldpleasures. She's on a mission to free people to revel in their true sensuality by removing the stigma surrounding kink. Sonja writes about first steps, ditching the shame and how to combine kink and 'normal' family life. She's a mother of two and happily married.

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