Question: I wanted to ask for tips for a strapon dildo because I want to give my lovely girlfriend a gift for her birthday: a sweet birthday-fuck.
Greets, Jany -name has been changed-

Answer: Hi Jany, I’d like to start with two questions:

  • What does your girlfriend want? And (because there are two sides to these things):
  • What do you want?

Size Matters Also for a Strapon

There are strap-ons with massive dicks and very small ones. For example, if you want to use the strapon for first-time anal sex, don’t start out with a monsterdick. Opt for something (much) smaller and smoother. But it can also completely depend on his or her taste. The strapon-penis can be big, small, smooth, studded or maybe dicks are yucky to her? Luckily strapons come in all kind of shapes from dolphins, via midgets to straight cylinders. So ask the receiving party what she or he wants.

Food for some nice conversations, perhaps?

Strapless but Different

Let’s continue with your side of the story. It also depends on what you want to feel and do. It is possible that you don’t like straps and stuff covering you. In this case you also have the so called “strapless” strapons. You keep them in their place because you have the thicker, shorter side inside of your own pussy. Of course this does require a bit of “pussy power” because you keep it in place with the muscles of your vagina. Some types are quite heavy and you will want to prevent it from falling on the ground. Some versions also have two smaller plugs for the “fucker”, you might guess it already, one vaginal and one anal, to have more grip (and more feeling) but you really should try it out before you buy it because in some cases, the anal plug might bump into your tailbone when you thrust forward, which can be quite annoying. It’s a matter of taste. Some people do actually like it especially because there are also some types with vibrating possibilities for both the pussy of the “fucker” as well as the “fuckee”.

There are a lot of different shapes and here are the most important things to take into account:

  • How well does it stay in place?
  • When I “thrust”, does the dildo at your side push against your pussy or pelvis in a nice way?

Strapless is obviously more like you have your own ‘dick’ and that makes you possibly feel more as you’re being the “fucker”… a mindset you might be looking for.

Strap-on

The other possibility honors its name: a dildo being held into place with straps or some sort of briefs. The advantage of this is that you can walk around with it more easily during parties, but mostly because you can fuck as hard as you want because it will stay into place. That is, when you have a bit of a strong harness. There are harnesses out there being made out of very weak latex, barely keeping everything in place. Nice for the latex lovers but mostly useless. There are those with cotton straps which are quite durable and adjustable and also look really sexy. And you also have strapons with leather straps which may look more exciting and have a strong fit, if leather is your thing.

A big advantage of these leather harnesses is that they can be really well adjusted, which is very pleasant because it is about your pleasure when the base of the penis is located right on your pussy and is not poking your in your bladder or scratching the mound of Venus. We do recommend a bit of a soft padding.

The way it fits also says a lot the way you might want to use it. If you have a weaker harness you are better off by putting on a tight cotton pair of undies with a hole in it over that harness to keep the whole thing in place.

How do I Keep the Strapon in Place?

The harnesses come in three different shapes. Some shapes have a dildo attached on the outer side. Sometimes also on the inside, but these typically do not fit very well.

If it fits well, those harnesses are good, but if you want flexibility, it is recommended to buy a harness on which several different dicks can be mounted on.

The two most important ways to keep the dildo into place on the harness are:

  • The vac-u-lock system
  • A cockring attached to your harness with strings

Vac-u-lock

There are a lot of dongs and toys which can be attached with the “vac-u-lock” … sort of a Lego for adults. Also with a possibility of creating double dildos with a vaculock on both sides of a plastic little plate allowing you to attach a dildo to on both ends. But we do often recommend a bit of padding because these kind of hard plastic plates can be quite unforgiving in the middle of having fun.

With a Cockring

Last but not least – actually best in our opinion: There are harnesses with little straps on the front which allow you to attach a cockring to the front of it. You can fit every dildo you want into that cockring. Monster trucks and cute little butt plugs, as long as you have a base which is bigger than the cockring attached to the harness. The base attached to it secures the ‘dick’ in place. Fit the cockring around the penis, put the straps onto the harness, and you are ready for action.

A lot of people actually appreciate the leather harnesses, also because it has a bit of character and fetish.

Something to consider and something that has been mentioned a few times without talking about the risks: the buckles! There types of buckles which can be adjusted in flexible ways. But there are also harnesses with buckles where you can already tell from looking at them how they will rub upon your groins when you thrust and grind those buckles against your soft bits. So pay attention to what those buckles are hitting.

You can fit different sizes or personal dildos behind the cockring when you use a cockring harness. Flexibility all the way!

Have fun with it!

Hans has over a quarter of a century of experience in the mental health sector. Hans is a certified physiotherapist, psychotherapist and relationship coach. The debilitating effects of shame and taboos have always had his attention.

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