For most people out there, any introduction to the BDSM class of rough or a rather fetishy sexual experience was the much talked about Fifty Shades of Grey series of novels as well as films. The conversations that sprung after the novel was released, were enough to indicate that the kink-demographic is invariably large in number. Unfortunately though, it sets quite an unrealistic standard to what BDSM entails and isn’t the right depiction of the experience. As a result there are a lot of misconceptions attached with the BDSM world and the people who are into it.
In quest of making our surroundings more sex-positive and open to experimentation, we need to burst the myths and get into understanding of what lies within the realms of BDSM. Even for the lot newly intrigued with the kink, a basic guide could go a long way. Of course, you get a live tutorial at the nearest porn site, but then again, let’s be real for once. Let’s get into the first comprehensive lesson of your BDSM Class.
What is BDSM?
BDSM is an acronym that stands for Bondage/Discipline, Submission/Dominance and Sadism/Masochism. It is an umbrella term for describing the various kinks it covers. The common factors that BDSM involves are mostly Power dynamics roleplay, Pain & Humiliation etc. A brief description of these subcategories is as follows:
- Bondage/Discipline: Bondage literally means to physically restrict someone by either tying them up or using handcuffs etc. Discipline comes into play during the power dynamics that are a major part of BDSM, where the Dominant Partner sets rules and instructions to be followed by the submissive partner.
- Submission/Dominance: This is the broader Power Dynamic wherein, of the two consenting parties, one of them chooses to surrender control and turn Submissive at hands of the other who then assumes the Dominant Role.
- Sadism/Masochism: Sadism is essentially the pleasure derived from giving pain while Masochism is the enjoyment in receiving it. If you’re into both, it’s called a Sadomasochist.
BDSM Class: The BDSM Lingo
The fact that this BDSM class has a whole section on the terminology around BDSM is proof enough of the vastness it beholds. To understand certain terms before, during and after BDSM play, we have compiled a list of such terms:
- Aftercare: A much needed Cool down after the BDSM scene play to help the Dominant and Submissive partners to relax and come back to reality.
- Breath Control Play: The famous choking or restriction of Oxygen to increase pleasure is what is technically known as the Breath Control Play.
- Chastity: When one of the partners refuses to indulge in BDSM play or sex
- Collaring: A signal jewelry to indicate ownership of a Submissive partner by the Dominant.
- Cuckold: This is when a person who identifies as masculine seeks pleasure in watching their feminine partner engage sexually with someone else.
- Dominant/Dom/Domme: The partner who takes charge in the power dynamic during the BDSM scene.
- Edgeplay: Delaying the climax after reaching the edge time and again.
- Fetish: A sexual turn on in the form of an object, roleplay scenario etc.
- Golden Showers: The involvement of urine during play.
- Hard Limits: The non-negotiable boundaries set by either of the partners before play.
- Leather: The popular Leather culture associated with BDSM is just a section of it, termed so.
- Pegging: When the feminine identifying partner has anal sex with the masculine partner, usually with a strap-on.
- Playspace: The area designated for BDSM play.
- Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK): Termed as the foundation of BDSM play, this ensures that the partners have consented and are aware of the consequences of BDSM before they indulge in play.
- SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual; an obsolete term for RACK.
- Safeword: A signal or word to pause/end play.
- Subspace: A fantasy world that the Submissive can go through in the middle of BDSM play.
- Switch: A partner who is versatile in bed when it comes to Power Dynamics.
- Topping from the Bottom: A submissive telling the Dominant partner what to do to them.
- Vanilla: Someone/Something not into BDSM or the kink-world.
BDSM Class: Rules & Regulations
There are a few basic Rules that are respected across the BDSM Community. We shall learn about them in the coming aspect of this BDSM class. After that, you will not make rookie mistakes while indulging in play.
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Don’t Drink and Ride
Much like the Traffic rules, Drinking and involvement in BDSM training Play is inadvisable as it could potentially blur the consent boundaries as decision making is already compromised while intoxicated. If you are one of those who has to drink before BDSM, by force of habit, you need to take a harder look to check if you actually are into BDSM at all.
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Have a Thorough Pre-discussion
A healthy BDSM relationship lies on a few very basic things. Having a transparent communication about the boundaries and preferences of both the partners is one of them. This is the negotiation stage where the Hard and Soft limits are communicated which need to be respected at all costs. You can also chat about what your likes and dislikes are in BDSM. It builds a foundation of trust and transparency which reflects in the intimacy during play.
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Consent, Consent, Consent!
This is the first thing to learn in your initial BDSM position training period. It can’t be reinforced enough, especially in the times we live in, how important it is to get consent before stepping foot in the BDSM pool. The kink education is incomplete and unsuccessful if you go ahead and assume consent while playing. Not only is it imperative to begin with consent but also to keep checking in throughout and seeking consent regularly. It doesn’t kill the mood if you ask the right way. Keep the whole experience interactive and don’t assume that the consent becomes insignificant when you are the Dom.
Also Read: Red Flags of Dominants in BDSM
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Establish Safe Words or Signals
Another integral point of this BDSM training class is to cater to the importance of safewords. If there is any moment during play where one of the partners feels any kind of discomfort or just wants a break, they may use the pre-established Safeword to communicate that to the partner. It is a right of both the parties to be able to call the Safeword or signal it in case they can’t say it. Choice of Safeword/signal can vary from person to person- from colors to words and sounds. It can be anything you want and communicate with your partner.
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Don’t Forget the Aftercare
Aftercare is as important as the main play part of BDSM training. A cool down is needed for both the partners after an intense BDSM play. Cuddling, Talking or Cleaning Up can be ways of initiating the Aftercare as it brings you back down after the escalation in hormones that you just went through. An abrupt fall can often be harsh and risky because of which aftercare soothes you back to the normal flow.
Conclusion
In this BDSM training Class, we have tried to cover and offer a beginner’s guide to BDSM to help you find your way through this magical land of kinks. Keep these few things in mind from the brief BDSM Course that you just graduated from. Also, do not forget to apply them while you’re at it. These basic tips actually go a long way into your sexual life, BDSM or Non-BDSM. So make good use of it and enjoy it as much as you can!
