I want to share with you my very own personal story about how I first started getting into kink, the mistakes I made along the way, how boldpleasures was born and why kink education is a must for anyone looking to venture into the unknown.

It’s a question I get asked on a regular basis, how did you come up with the idea of boldpleasures? Well, the truth is, through my own misadventure, mistakes and enlightenment.

I remember sitting with my therapist after my divorce was through, looking back at a year of polyamory and kink experimentation gone tremendously wrong and saying…“shit, HOW stupid have I been!?” Jumping into this ‘shiny toy’ world with both feet first, opening up and exposing a vulnerable marriage just because it wasn’t really what I needed and wanted in my life at that time, without the faintest idea of how to do either of these things safely and sanely.

I was a full spectrum of emotions, and both shocked and relieved when my therapist said, “Yes, well… true. But also, most people make these mistakes.”

The relief was knowing I was just human the shock was knowing I’m not alone, others have made these mistakes?  It was one of those moments of clarity, that brought a realisation that it wasn’t just me who was stupid, there was just too little guidance out there.

boldpleasures became an urgency for me because I wanted to help others who were about to take a walk down the well-trodden but badly signposted pathway that is everything kink.

Starting Kink With no Guidance

The problem with experimenting with toys without guidance is pretty obvious: you can really cause lasting harm to someone physically if you don’t know how to swing a whip or poke needles into your partner.

But the mental and emotional harm, however, is often underestimated. Kinky people in general, are said to be much more aware of their needs and wants – because you HAVE to explore your dark sides in order to enjoy this world. In order to formulate limits and boundaries and negotiate with partners, you will probably be close to or hitting your physical and mental limits a few times, and all that helps to understand just exactly HOW far you can go. And that’s a moving goal post because you evolve as you explore.

At the beginning though, when you are just taking those first steps, you typically don’t know yourself all that well. And especially beginning submissives are such an easy target for preying dominants. The definition of ‘consent’ really means ‘informed consent’ – that’s why when you are drunk or stoned, you cannot give consent. But if you have no idea what you are talking about, how can you negotiate?

Rocky Roads to Pleasure

When I share my story, people immediately relate, when you dig deeper into the kinky scene everybody seems to have some sort of story about how their first steps of the journey were really rocky. In some cases a bit like mine, the first steps left scars on the soul or the body. But most people who I share misadventure tales with, say the same thing, it was only after they started, made a few colossal mistakes that it was then they sought help from classes and courses, to find out how it should be done.

Why are we Afraid to ask for Help?

Its human nature, we don’t always ask for help or seek advice because we’re afraid,  and I am convinced that for the kink community it’s the same too. It just seems too scary to go to a class and seek guidance in the very beginning because we’re intimidated and afraid of going out there in the world alone, and what we might find. The prospect of maybe even being laughed at or mocked for being a newb and being so inexperienced and virgin like is terrifying.

Kink Education

That’s why boldpleasures is committed to breaking down the boundaries and doing things differently, I want to provide a kink education that’s available to those who seek it, allow people to learn from my mistakes and reap the rewards of shared experience and the power of knowledge, trust me it can save a few relationships and mishaps along the way.

Boldpleasures has become a group of knowledgeable kink explorers and educators dedicated to teach and discover the diverse ways of the kink lifestyle.

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Sonja
Sonja is a co-founder of boldpleasures. She's on a mission to free people to revel in their true sensuality by removing the stigma surrounding kink. Sonja writes about first steps, ditching the shame and how to combine kink and 'normal' family life. She's a mother of two and happily married.

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