Now that the societal stigma surrounding the polyamory lifestyle has diminished, there are a number of people who will be more than happy to join you, but it is your job to go out and find them. Read on to learn more about the following helpful tips.

1- Start Off On The Same Page. 

It is important for the couple who is looking for someone to join them in bed to be completely clear about their purposes for doing so. Are you inviting another person into bed just to spice things up once or do you have both a specific fantasy that you are trying to fulfill? Getting on the same page before you start speaking with potential unicorns ensures that they are not scared off by petty squabbling.

Looking for a threesome because you are tired of one another is a sure recipe for relationship disaster. Better strengthen and  spice up your relationship first, before dragging someone else into your cave.

2 – Establish The Boundaries. 

Prepare for jealousy. It might or might not come up, but it’s not unnatural that the amazing fantasy you had doesn’t play out quite like you thought in real life. All three parties involved should have a clear discussion as to where the boundaries lie. Everyone needs to be 100 percent crystal clear on what they are looking for, what they expect to happen and most importantly, what they do not want to happen. Knowing what is on and off the table is crucial to threesome enjoyment.

3 – Use The Internet.

 Let’s face facts here, your unicorn is not going to come and knock on your door. You are going to need to get out there and find them. Thanks to the Internet, this seemingly difficult task has never been more simple. There are a number of dating sites, such as OKCupid, that provide options for couples who are into open relationships and the polyamory lifestyle. This also allows you to steer clear of people you know, which leads us to our next point….

4 – Don’t Include Friends. 

Sure, your girlfriend’s bestie might look very hot and tempting at the moment, but you’ll want to stop and consider the ramifications of trying to include her. She might be offended by the request or the resulting friction between her and your girlfriend could kill their friendship. Most of your current friendships and connections cannot withstand the pressure of a threesome, so it is best to avoid people you already know entirely.

5 – Don’t be creepy. 

When you first meet your potential unicorn, the goal should not be to immediately consummate. Rather, try to maximize their comfort level. You might want to dip a toe or two into the waters first before jumping in with both feet. Don’t take things to the next level until all three parties are on the same page and adequately comfortable with one another.

Good luck, have fun and stay safe 🙂

Sonja is a co-founder of boldpleasures. She's on a mission to free people to revel in their true sensuality by removing the stigma surrounding kink. Sonja writes about first steps, ditching the shame and how to combine kink and 'normal' family life. She's a mother of two and happily married.

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