Recharge Your Longterm Relationship

It’s so easy to forget that relationships need work. Especially after we have been together for a while, moved in together, maybe got married, it seems to get harder to go that extra mile for ‘us’. And before we know it, there is a sense of fatigue between us that feels really difficult to break through – yet there isn’t really anything ‘wrong’.

The good news: It doesn’t take much to keep the heartbeat going, all it takes is a little attention with a spice of the unexpected now and then. Here five practical ideas how to feel closer to your partner that don’t (necessarily) involve sex:

Hug a bit Longer. And a bit Tighter.

Stop and draw your partner close. Like really close. Close your eyes, rub their back a bit, be in the Here and Now together. “Come here, I need to feel you close.” Really, it’s that simple. What happens ‘under the hood’ is that lots of amazing hormones start flowing that help you two to feel more connected. Leading to more cuddles, leading to more connection, leading to more cuddles…. You get the point.

Go out on a Date.

And I don’t mean what you usually do. Something different, something special. Maybe something cheesy. Dress up nicely and go to the opera. Get crazy at disco bowling. Or all romantic with a picnic in the park. Make it special and make it count.

Bring a Gift.

Nothing big, nothing fancy. Something small will do. Listen for a few days what your partner says they like and get that. Or just bring a cupcake because you saw it in the store and thought they might like it. Or something funny you think will make them laugh. In this case, it’s really the thought that counts. Unlike on birthdays or Christmas or anniversaries.

Guys: Don’t bring flowers, we ladies tend to interpret them as ‘Sorry’ and might wonder what you did wrong. Also, kitchen appliances don’t count.

Write a Note.

Think about something you would like to say. Something sweet about the other. Something you like about them, how great the sex was last night, that you will miss them… Find a post-it note, a card, or just some paper, write it on it and stick it in a place where your partner will find it. Their lunch-box, their wallet, or by the coffee machine.

Make a Bucket List.

Not your life bucket list, a short one will do. Your relationship bucket list for the next six months. Things you would like to do together. Keep it light, keep it about doing stuff together and having fun. And then work on ticking off the boxes and get to know each other better as you do.

Those are just five ideas, certainly not exclusive – there are tons of little things you can do together to make your relationship withstand the sands of time. The attitude that you want to commit to working on it together is the most important step.

You know you are on the right track, when doing something for your partner feels like ‘doing something for us’ rather than ‘him or her’.

Sonja is a co-founder of boldpleasures. She's on a mission to free people to revel in their true sensuality by removing the stigma surrounding kink. Sonja writes about first steps, ditching the shame and how to combine kink and 'normal' family life. She's a mother of two and happily married.

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